Tuesday, September 30, 2008


Houston, we have a problem...

and if you can stomach it...

The Eminem of Anti-Racism

Blacks can't believe he stole their song and is more respected and famous for it

Whites sit down and listen as if he invented the concept himself...

Monday, September 29, 2008

The Bailout

I was in the process of writing up something similar, but this guy sums it up best...

Subject: Bailout

I’m against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG.

Instead, I’m in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a We Deserve It Dividend.

To make the math simple, let’s assume there are 200,000,000 bonafide U.S. Citizens 18+. Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up...

So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon that equals $425,000.00. My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a We Deserve It Dividend.

Of course, it would NOT be tax free. So let’s assume a tax rate of 30%. Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes.That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam. But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket. A husband and wife has $595,000.00.

What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?

Pay off your mortgage – housing crisis solved.
Repay college loans – what a great boost to new grads.
Put away money for college – it’ll be there.
Save in a bank – create money to loan to entrepreneurs.
Buy a new car – create jobs.
Invest in the market – capital drives growth.
Pay for your parent’s medical insurance – health care improves.
Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean – or else.

Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back. And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces.

If we’re going to re-distribute wealth let’s really do it...instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 ( “vote buy” ) economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President. If we’re going to do an $85 billion bailout, let’s bail out every adult U S Citizen 18+!

As for AIG – liquidate it. Sell off its parts. Let American General go back to being American General. Sell off the real estate. Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.

Here’s my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn’t.

Sure it’s a crazy idea that can “never work.” But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party!

How do you spell Economic Boom?

I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion We Deserve It Dividend more than I do the geniuses at AIG or in Washington DC.

And remember, The Birk plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.

Ahhh...I feel so much better getting that off my chest.

BirkT. J. Birkenmeier, A Creative Guy & Citizen of the Republic

Saturday, September 20, 2008

The Apology

Dear Racists,

I owe you an apology. Through the many emails and comments from both my Facebook friends and Blog readers alike, it has been brought to my attention the aggressive, offensive and confrontational nature of referring specifically to
White Men in my writings.

Moreover, just using the term 'White Man' has created a race based tension that I neither desire nor condone. The use of this term has, regrettably, led my readers to be reactionary and defensive, thus not allowing them to read with the ease and comfort that I have tried to provide.

I would like to redeem myself by no longer using the term 'White Man', henceforth referring to such group as Americans*. Because this great nation, inhabited and run by Americans, does not deserve to be judged on its past indiscretions, but on its current and future policies and ambitions. And as I'm sure all Americans will agree, this is now a nation of equality and opportunity for all who work the difficult path to achieve it. The mere fact that Sen. Barak Obama is a viable Presidential candidate is proof alone of that.

Furthermore, as true Americans, defending your borders, your economic structure and your values are tasks second to none. Terrorists, or those not willing to support and fight with Americans must answer for their treachery. Socially, people must be economically responsible for themselves, producing an environment beneficial to all Americans. Large corporations, with the wisdom and guidance of our most prominent Americans, must be given the ability to operate in this global market. Thus, providing jobs to countless Americans across class lines, who will in turn, contribute to the tax system that will support the American interests necessary to maintain the dominance it currently holds. Americans also hold values of family, religion and culture that are fundamental to the integral structure of the community. All true Americans have the right to hold and project these values to maintain not only a society which answers to a hight power, but one who is able to make the tough decisions necessary to promote and ensure its very existence.

So I ask you to think hard during the election process. I have come to realize that this is much less about my
shopping spree and far more about who you think will truly represent the Americans all around this country. Its about the Americans sitting at their kitchen tables worrying about how they are going to get to the end of the month.

Who has the best interests of those Americans in mind?

Only one can claim this. Only one is a true patriotic American.

Vote McCain.

The future of Americans all over this great nation depends on it.

*For those less offended by the use of 'White Man' feel free to substitute it for the word 'American' throughout this text.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

God's Will

Dear Racists,

I think it is wonderful that pathetic women everywhere are trying to live their lives vicariously through Sarah Palin.

Being hot with a vagina and a brain is not always easy.

As someone who has risen to the top countless times and in countless countries not just based on my brains alone, I welcome the increasing number of you women who choose a surrogate as opposed to strapping on a pair of balls yourselves and making things happen.

Since you will never be strong enough to take the risks, make the decisions, and step on the heads needed to get ahead, it is very important for you prop those of us up who can.

Because, while your appearance and lack of focus may hinder your goals, we have been blessed by God with our bodies and our smiles and our ruthless desire to succeed. I believe it is his will. Seeing yourself in us is Gods way of numbing your pain.

Vote McCain.

You don't have to be hot and successful yourselves to be a part of the movement. You just have to close your eyes and pretend to be.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Sell Out

Dear Racists,

This one is for the Black Folks in the crowd.

What? You thought you were immune? Think again.

Now I've noticed that you have all been a bit quiet as of late.

I kinda feel like y'all are laying low, so as not to get into any trouble or draw any unnecessary attention to the community.

I just wanted to take a moment and point out a few things that maybe you haven't thought through yet.

Some of you think that if homeboy gets the seat, you will be drinking champagne in the CEO's office in no time. That you will get a voucher and a free pass.

I hope you all realize that if Barack is elected, You are all going to have to step your game up about 10 notches. In other words, all those “Sell Out Mo' Fo's” will now become your role models and mentors.

You will actually have to take responsibility for yourselves, and plan long term financial goals.

Your bling and Benz will end up on Ebay in an effort to get out of debt.

You will not only be expected to sing, dance and play sport, but ALSO study and GET A JOB.

You will be expected to speak English.

And when you speak, you will have to Lower Your Voice...

You will have to open a bank account, and put money into it.

If you have a bank account, you will have to also open a savings account...And put money into it.

You will have to take care of and be responsible for your children.

And if you find that mentally and financially difficult, you will have to STOP HAVING THEM.

You will have to make money the hard and slow way and work twice as hard doing it.

In other words, you will have to get to work ON TIME at the least, and always leave late. And you will always have to remember that a 15 minute break, is only 15 minutes.

You will have to learn the difference between being on the offense and being strategic.

And you will have to flush all your bitterness and mental barriers down the toilet, because they won't hold up anymore.

Not with a Black President.

You haven't had the kind of headache that you are looking at once Barack raises the bar on you asses.

Trust me. Vote McCain

Better yet, just grab a 40 and don't bother voting at all.

Momma's got her eye on a new designer handbag.

Friday, September 12, 2008

One Drop

Dear Racists,

Actually, let me be more specific in this situation.

Dear White guys,

It seems that you have found yourselves in a tough position. On one side you have a White woman that could rip your balls off, and on the other a Black guy...Both equally scary.

It's sad that you may never get a job or promotion again.

For Women and Minorities, the decision will be between two men. For you, the choice will be between a Black guy and a White woman*.

I bring up the race of the candidates, because I kinda feel like you are forgetting that Barack is a Black Man. Now, I know it has been a bit confusing for some of you. I mean, Barack's mother was White, and he was raised by his Midwest White grandparents. The guy even went to Harvard. You may feel like it would be okay to let him pass.

But I need to remind you of the 'One Drop Rule'. This rule states that no matter what the person has done in their lives or what they look like, if they have one drop of Black blood, they are Black. No exceptions. It doesn't matter that he may be able to relate to you better than he can to me. You need to remember that when all the smoke clears, he is Black and Black is BAD.

And don't forget, his mom may have been White, but his Dad was like super Black. We are talking African Black.

This guy barely even shows up in photos, kinda Black...

I need you to think of this man when you think of Obama. It will make things easier for you.

Also, please remember that the woman can be knocked out with one good sucker punch. And remember, you will always be able to find a way to use her kids against her. But those Black guys tend to be more difficult to fight.

Plus, he probably has a bigger penis than you.

Vote McCain.

Mamma also needs a new pair of boots.

* Dont believe me? Check out this forum on NPR. Listen to the whole thing and start being honest with yourselves.

Making the right choice

Dear Racists*,

I've changed my mind.

I think McCain is a great choice. Please elect him.

You see, I'm coming to NY for New Years' and I REALLY want to do a lot of shopping.

I've been watching the exchange rate's future forecasts and I'm getting a bit worried. You see, the Euro is expected to drop against the dollar down from $1.45 to $1.20 and that's just not acceptable.

Honeslty, things arent that bad. Plus, McCain and Palin are real mavericks. So I think they will really, like, do other things, like, you know...

We need to get back on track.

We need to remind the world that we are a God fearing country, with big cowboy hats and bigger guns.

We need to get my Euro back up to $1.60.

Terrorists are bad bad bad.

Big government is Satan without a disguise.

And most importantly, Democrats are inexperienced Muslim loving sexists.

For Gods sake people, strap on your guns and go blow something up!

Momma needs a new pair of shoes!

*I have recently been lured into the name calling game, but since 'Sexist' has already been claimed, I've opted for this one.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Keeping Up Appearances

First off, let me say that I am not a political person at all. In fact, even though I'll vote for Obama (if I can figure out how to use the absentee ballot), you will never hear me chanting any propaganda from any political party.

But let’s get to what will inevitably piss someone off, but is what in the back of our minds and what most of us are thinking...

Palin is never gonna get the ticket elected.


For the same reason that Hillary couldn’t get the nomination.

Because they are women? Not entirely.

I don’t care what anyone says, but the only reason why Hillary didn’t get the nomination is because dear old Bill made a damn fool out of her and she never publicly bitch slapped his ass. Instead she smiled and played the role of the supportive wife.

Now, we all know that behind closed doors poor Bill had wished he had never born, but the public didn’t see that. The public saw her smile and be supportive like a good wife and a good woman should. Staying in her place, keeping up appearances.

Now, she has already got the strike against her for being a woman...

Add in subservient and where she ended up was no surprise.

On to Mrs Palin. You and I both know she has taken that little girl of hers and hung her out the window by her ankles in an effort to shake some sense into her. We also know that Levi looks over his shoulder a lot more than he probably used to.

And most importantly, we all know that Sarah Palin would like nothing more than to get up on stage and say that her dumb ass daughter has screwed everything up for everyone. She would also like to drag her little pregnant ass up there beside her and force her to apologize publicly for being so stupid.

But she couldn’t. Instead she had to play the part of the supportive mother and stand beside the one person who has disappointed her the most in the world. She had to stay in her motherly place and keep up appearances.

America is nowhere near open-minded enough to accept a woman who can’t keep their home in order. I don’t care what she has accomplished and who she has stood up to. If her family is f$&cked up that’s all that matters.
And don’t even TRY to tell me that it is normal for a mother to be proud of 17 year old girl who is 5 months preggers AND who will GET MARRIED to the genius who doesn’t even know how to put on a condom...
Nobody trusts a woman whose kids or husband have stepped severely out of line WITH NO REPROCUSSIONS.
I don’t make the rules.
It is what it is.