Inauguration Blues, no I'm not goin to DC!
By Philip Gray
Question - Where are all of those buses going? Do all of these folks really BELIEVE they are actually gon get anywhere NEAR the ceremony? Brothers and Sistas, we can't all go to Washington for the ceremony. The city ain't but so big! "D.C." is smaller than Queens.
You wasn't ALL INVITED! I heard of one church that has FIFTY buses going to Washington! Have ya'll all lost yo minds?! FIFTY BUSES! Where they gonna go? AN' you know some our folks don't do well in the cold! What's Sista Jones and her bad hip gonna do standin on the lawn for three or four hours when it's 10 degrees out?
First of all, you know she can't walk from where yall gon hafta leave the bus to where you gon hafta stan', which is gonna be 'bout five MILES from where duh President 's gonna be! An' y'all know ya can't be draggin' all yo lawnchairs, beachchairs, piknik chairs an tables wid cha! You gonna hafta stand all through the ceremony. 'Sides, by the time all them bad hips an' bad knees gits down there to the lawn, the ceremony be 'bout over!
That brings ta mind another thing! Y'all needs to leave on time! This ain't goan be like no church piknik or barbeque, an' it sho ain't gon start two or three hours late like some gospel show. Now Bam is a brotha, but he know how to handle his bizness! He don't run on CP time! Them folks ain't gon stand out in that cold all mornin' waitin for the 10,000 buses and vans comin' from all over to get there. You church folks migh jes as well plan on leaving Sunday mornin' - do all yore singin' an' prayin' on the road! Psalm 95 on I-95! (Check it out - it fits!)
An' y'all best be plannin' on leavin right afta the ceremony. They ain't gon let y'all jes tie up Pennsylvania Avenue all daggone day! I can hear it now: "WOULD YOU PLEASE LEAVE THE LAWN - STEP BACK OFF THE LAWN!"
They ain't gonna wait while 20 million black folks line up to have they picture taken standin' in front of the Capitol. AN' all your marchin' bands, steel pan ensembles, step teams, drill teams, Pee-Wee football, cheerleaders, church choirs, jump-rope teams, Elks, Masons, Bisons, Shriners, Miners, Whiners, Evening Stars, Morning Stars, Falling Stars, Alphas, Deltas, Sigmas, Kappas, Phi Beta Slammas, and fine Gamma Hammas cannot ALL be in the pararde.
If you ain't got an invitation ALREADY, you ain't invited! So jes plan on goin' down, an' soon as you inside the city limits - get off the bus, take your pictures and LEAVE, cause with alla you peeples tryin to git there at the same time, the closest you likely to get to the capitol will probably be Baltimore in the north and Richmond to the South! Make sure that you SCHEDULE your time off, an' that includes Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Brack can't be callin' all your employers, an' being stuck in traffic on I-95 comin' from the Inauguration don't get you no kinda administrative leave!
One other thing - remember "back-in-the-day" when we was all still upset about racism in America, an' many of us was convinced that THE MAN was constantly plottin' our extermination?! Remember when everything was seen as an act of racial GENOCIDE!
Welfare Reform; requirements that college athletes meet academic standards to be eligible to play; the DISPROPORTIONATE number of brothas in PRISON; drugs; raising academic standards; even birth control! Well, just suppose there was a way to get ALL of the black people together in one place at the same time. Then it would be relatively easy to get rid of them. Well, as it seems like just about every black person in America is plannin' on bein' at the Inauguration, you don't suppose that all of this could be part of some sinister MASTER PLAN to get rid of black people, do you?
For mysef, I plan on stayin' home that day an' watchin' everything on the tee-vee. l 'll probably see mo of it than any of y'all. Besides, all that aroma of all that perfume, hair stylin' chemicals, curried goat and fried chicken on a bus for 16 hours would drive me plum crazy. On the other hand, I might jes go down to the church that mornin' an' make a few bucks sellin' some brown-paper-bag-gourmet-food. Besides, there's gotta be at least ONE person left to tell about all this.
Anyway, I hope you have a great time and keep Brack an' his family in your prayers! Oh yeah, remember - Jan 20, 2009 @ 7:30 p.m. sharp! No matter where you are, or what you doin' - it's time for the National Electric Slide!
Slide to the Left! Slide to the Right! Now ev ree bo dee clap yo hands!