Sunday, November 30, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
But I recently received the following mail from my Rockstar Friend Philip Gray and my future flashed before my eyes.
My husband has already commited at least 3 of the following crimes. It's only a matter of time before the others are accomplished...Plus some.
God help me.
BANNED FROM WAL-MART
This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart:
Dear Mrs. Samsel,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away. '
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him, he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.10. September
10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least .
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'
Monday, November 24, 2008
But I do get a kick out of receiving up to the minute data about where my long lost friends are and what they are doing in their lives.
I too enjoy updating my status.
Mostly cuz I think I'm wicked interesting and everyone is dying to know what I'm doing...
But partially because it gives me the opportunity to reflect for a moment where I am in life at that very second.
So today I was sitting there, with a blinking curser
And there were waves of nothing-ness, then optimism, then sadness, then regret, then embarrassment, then reality, then grit, then reflection, then disappointment, then sheer panic and anxiety that I couldn’t even figure out what I was.
Just not able to deal with this today.
Madison will deal with this tomorrow. Or maybe not.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
I remember my life in America.
I remember the looks I would get. You don't belong here.
I remember walking to my friends house in Darien Connecticut and being repeatedly pulled over by the police and being repeatedly asked where I was going and who I worked for.
I remember food shopping when a woman cut in line. I remember my mother pointing it out and the woman responding, “Niggers think they own this place”. I remember wondering what the word Nigger meant but being too afraid to ask.
I remember being encouraged by my hippy English teacher to enter into a Shakespeare recitation contest. I remember preparing and pouring my heart into it. I remember an elderly woman with a sweet smile and silver hair coming up to me at the end and congratulating me on my bravery. I remember her looking me dead in my eyes, hands on both of my shoulders and telling me to go home and tell all of my friends about what I had done. She had assumed I was from the Ghetto. I was raised in private schools in Marin County California and Fairfield County Connecticut. I remember wishing she had just told me I had done a good job and left it at that.
I remember telling everyone my father was dead because I was too embarrassed to be just another Black kid who's father wasn't in her life.
I remember falling in love and being told that it was not suitable for me to be anything other than her son's friend. I then remember her smiling and offering me cookies.
I remember my mother telling me that I would have to work twice as hard as all the others. I remember her saying that while I will always be seen, I will never be recognized or rewarded. I remember her being right on far too many occasions.
I remember the surgeries, the pain, the seizures.
I remember giving up on it all.
I remember my mother by my side.
I cant do this.
Yes You Can.
I remember leaving this earth. It was not like they said. There was no light. It was calm and dark and I could hear the surgeons speaking
I cant stop the bleeding.
I cant control the pressure.
I remember thinking
Yes You Can.
And when I came back, I remember my mother words
You did it. I knew could.
I remember loosing all hope in America. I remember not caring anymore. I remember giving up, never to return home again.
Then I heard the words again...
Yes We Can.
And I heard the song and the speech and for a split second I stood in my stance, with my hands on my hips and head held high...
Because for the 1st time EVER IN MY LIFE...
I was proud to be American. I was proud of my country. I was moved. I was fundamentally part of something that I was so far from. Part of a country I have always felt separated from.
I can put aside everything for a real movement. Those shivers that run up and down my spine are not those of fear. They are those of excitement.
There has been a vast aura of inspiration rotating recently.
People are fighting the odds.
The power to inspire.
Can you feel it?
*Originally posted February 10th, 2008 by Bunkamadison
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Fine he is up in the polls. But everywhere you look, read and hear, there are those who say “The polls are not reliable...Don't trust the polls”
In other words, don't be surprised if Obama loses because we have been warning you and preparing you for weeks.
Most black people know this and are already waiting for this.
But all the same, I feel the need to say a few things...
Please don't riot. It's dumb and you usually end up tearing up your own shit.
Please don't pull any white people out of their cars. You have done it before and it didn't work.
Please don't just Not Show Up For Work. You know your ass is broke and your white boss is already gonna be scared of you. Just go and be good and don't give anyone any excuse to fire your you.
Don't gather in groups except for at church. Even then be sure to to only let a few people walk out the door at a time. More than 10 of your could easily be mistaken as a racial riot and it's silly to spend the night in jail over a misunderstanding.
Don't try to play the victim. You didn't lose the election, Obama did. Understand that this has nothing to do with you.
At the end of the day, remember that an Obama loss isn't a major disaster. Your life will continue in the same way that it had done before. Except now, you may get a second look. Use that to your advantage. Don't throw it away on crap you have tolerated all your lives.