Lightning

I am Bad Ass and I am the best person for the job, but the fact of the matter is that lightning just does not strike twice. Not in the same spot, at least.

And since Miss Brooke got word today that she has been approved for a government position in Korea with one of those sick expat contracts most normal people can only dream of...Well, the likeliness of my phone call being anything other than grim isnt very high.

Im not talking fair, Im just being statistically realistic. There is no way two people in the same household can both get their dream jobs in the same week.

Basically, I'm screwed.

Ps Please let this not be a reflection on how absurdly proud I am of my Miss Brooke who never gave up and never gave in. She is the definition of Bad Ass and whether I ever admit it or not, my idol.

Annoyed...Again

Seriously party people. I realize that I'm in a particular situation when nerves are high, but I'm really annoyed.

I was sitting here writing my heart out (shut up..I was attempting to share) when I decided to take a break and check my Google Reader. At that very moment, I was feeling particularly nervous about sharing my vulnerability. Petuna Face has it down. I'm just an apprentice. But I was set to let it out and publish.

And what did I see in dear old Google Reader? None other than Decorno's ingenious story about pretty much exactly what I was writing only 50 times better. So now, not only am I her stalker, but I'm also a big fat copy cat without any originality, who is suffering from the same bloody anxiety as the rest of the world, making what I was gonna say completely lame.

So, to stick my moving story into a nutshell...

I feel like I'm going to vomit on myself. I should hear something back from my 'dream job' by the end of the week. Even if I dont get it, I'm glad I tried.

There. Done.

Ps. I was trying to create a link to the posting Decorno did, but it seems to have been taken off. Decorno if you read this, post it again. It was good.

Interview (double post)

So my interview for...


...is on Friday. On the US website 'casual business' is listed under office attire. But I'm going for an HR managerial position (not a sales position in a shop, pleeeaaaaassse!) in Italy. So I'm thinking of going Diva Casual. I just made that up, so I'm not sure what it means. Not a suit, but not jeans either.

Something like this?

All Black with a big bag that pops?...

...Or simple with a jacket that stands out?

...Or the classic Black and White?

...Or what about bold and carefree like this?

all photos from the brilliant Sartorialist

And whats the rule on wearing the label to the interview? Should I absolutely avoid wearing anything LV? I mean, if someone came to my office wearing anything with my company's name on it, I would write them off as a completely challenged.

Input please!!!

PS, Ive also decided to post this here to get as much help as possible! Original post at BunkaMadison

Inspire Me

I'm feeling bored and non creative. Sometimes I forget that I live in an AMAZING place. So If you had the chance to visit or live in Italy, where would you go and what would you do?

How would you dress?

What you would expect?

What shops would you want to wander around?

Think Party People! I will do your suggestions (within reason) and post about them.

The Bribe

I think I may have inadvertently accepted a bribe today. Its not the first time I've been offered a bribe. I do live in Italy, remember. But its the first time I took it (Which I didn't really realize until later). The problem is that I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to do. Not in terms of keeping the gift or not. Its gorgeous and its mine now. But I don't know what I'm supposed to do. From what I can gather from the personality of the person, its as simple as keeping my mouth shut. Will keep y'all posted.

Be Nice

So today, A strange thing happened...

I was in a rush and late and having to make small talk with about 15 people at the same time about their winter breaks. I needed to get a ton of things done to make sure everyone was in the right place. I was smiling, but very distracted. I finally got everyone out of my office and began explaining things to a new hire. It was then that I noticed someone standing in my doorway and smiling.

Cindy (that's not her real name) is a quiet woman and I've always felt she has had more to say and offer than she knows. She excused herself and asked if she could speak with me for a moment. As EVERYONE needs to speak to me for a moment I asked her to wait and let me finish my conversation. She giggled in embarrassment and walked away.

I'm not going to lie. In the five minutes that passed I had completely forgotten that she wanted to speak to me and was going to check in with the reception about a completely different matter when I saw her waiting for me there. Shit. Okay, See what she wants quickly and then get the info you need to make the calls. So I asked her if it was a quick question or if she needed privacy in my office. She started to stutter and babble and began to turn bright red. I may have unintentionally given the look that my mother trained me so well to give. You know the one that says "Hey dumbass. You are wasting my time!" She froze for a second and then muttered "I wanted to introduce you to someone." Now she is a woman in her early 40's. You could tell that before kids and divorce she was quite cute and she still has a funky style and haircut. Her friend was a bit older, or just greyer. I smiled and shook hands.

Okay, I know where this is going. He wants a job and is coming to see if there are any openings. I started running all the current and projected contracts through my head. In a thick Scottish accent he said "I'm glad to finally meet you. I've heard so much about you. She talks about you all the time"

Hmmmm. Original, I thought. Flattery. Yeah, I’m sure I can sort out something for this guy. I hope he's not a drunk. I responded cordially, "Oh Cindy is my little star. She's quiet but I know she got more. I don’t know what I'd do without her"

Now you and I both know that I'm such a big fat fucking fake. You can go ahead and puke, because I almost did in that very moment. To keep my balance I put my arm around her and gave a squeeze. I also wanted to slyly check my watch. I had wasted at least 2 minutes and was already getting bored. As I glanced over I got a glimpse of her face. She was bright red and grinning from ear to ear.

Cindy started speaking, but I couldnt hear her. I was starting to get confused. Why hadn’t he mentioned work yet? Why was she still blushing and acting like a teeny-bopper? And now he is staring at me? What does he want?

And then he said it "I love you jacket. It's gorgeous. Cindy said you were a great dresser. Oh my God Cindy, you were so right!" Ahhhh, ok, he wants my jacket. But that doesn’t make sense. WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!?!?!?!??! I think they are making fun of me.

I gave a quick thanks. It came out far more dry then I imagined it would. Cindy mentioned I was really busy and I took the escape, agreed and walked away. As I walked away I heard, "Wow, you were right, she is so cool!" Which was replied to with "Yeah, I know, I'm so lucky to work here"

My first reaction...Those two bastards just played me like a fiddle. Who do they think they are?

Then it occurred to me that maybe they were serious. I am kinda funny sometimes. Also, I am wearing a particularly nice jacket today. Maybe they actually like me. Maybe if I would stop being so busy and listen to people more, I would see that I could have friends. Maybe If I didn’t assume that everyone only wanted something from me as opposed to just liked me, I wouldn't be so judgmental. Maybe Cindy is a really nice person that I should get to know better. Ok, she's a bit mousy and submissive, and she whines instead of actually speaking. Fine, I won’t be friends with her, but I could be more genuine and nice. At least that.

So in an effort to step things up a notch on all levels, I’m going to add the target of also being nice. Even when I'm in a hurry and have better shit to do. I will always make the effort to be nice. I may be getting played, but I may also be making someone’s day. I suppose its worth the gamble.

Smokers of the World

I'm gonna say it. You may or may not like it, but I'm gonna say it anyway, and I'm gonna say it so that there are absolutely no questions about my opinion on the subject.

Smokers of the World...

You Can Kiss My Fat Black Ass

There are no exceptions here. I may like you as a person, but know that the moment you turn your back, I will roll my eyes and I might even talk shit about you.

It's because you stink. You physically smell bad. No breath mints or Fabreeze will ever change that. You aren't fooling anyone. You smell like an ashtray no matter how careful you are about concealing it. Its like the zit on my chin. There is cover up on it, but we all know the deal. I popped it this morning when I shouldn't have.



But closet smokers are not my biggest itch. It's those of you who just smoke openly like you own the bloody earth. I've been in such a bitchy mood about this recently, that Ive started a little revolution. Every time someone near me starts smoking, I pick up my mobile and start fake screaming a conversation. I fake scream the conversation to the point of utter annoyance. Oh, I'm sorry, am I bothering you? Am I disturbing your moment? Am I giving you a headache? Funny how that works...

Excuse me? What? Oh, I can just move if I don't like your smoke? I Was Here First, Bitch. YOU MOVE!




Oh, and those of you you say "Do you mind if I smoke?" Lets see...Do you mind if I fart? I just ate a burrito with questionable beans and I've got one bubbling up. I realize that not everyone likes the smell of ferocious farts, so thats why I'm asking before I let all hell break loose. So do you mind?



And before you make yourself sound stupid with a self righteous response to this, just be aware that getting defensive only proves my point further. The only time people get defensive is when they are wrong and they feel that they are being attacked. So lets be clear, You are wrong and I am attacking you. You have no legitimate defense. You know it's a bad habit, you know you are addicted and you know it is annoying and harmful to others. You continue to do it because a) You couldn't give a crap about what you do in life and its effect on others or yourself; b) you know, but you "can't stop"; c) You don't actually believe smoking is bad

Ok,
a) Good, at least fess up to the fact that you are a bastard. I'll give you credit for that. I'm not here to transform anyone, just call things like they are.

b) Crack heads can stop smoking the pipe, so give me a God Damn Break

c) Go shack up with the President of Iran because in his crib gays dont exist and the holocaust didn't happen either...

Did I miss anything?

Party People, Let me know...